“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” ~Wayne Gretzky

“I’ll never make it as a writer. It’s too hard to find an agent and get published. Plus I’m just a medium-good writer.” Those are words a mother never wants to hear…but I heard them tonight from my son.

My 15-year-old and I were driving home and talking about the future. I explained to him that some day very soon, all this glorious adult world of paying rent, car insurance, electricity, food, gas, and internet will be his. And, some day very soon, he has to start thinking about what he wants to do with his life.

We talked about graphic design (he is vyer, very talented) and I explained about outsourcing. We talked about social media, content creation, video and audio editing, which are all still growing fields. Secretly he wants to be a writer, so naturally I encourage him. Anything is possible, as I have myself have fairly recently discovered.

But when I heard those words tonight from my own flesh and blood I was sad.

Maybe he just isn’t into working hard, maybe he doesn’t believe in himself, or maybe this generation is simply a bit lazy. But to not pursue something because it’s too hard to succeed? To not even try?

Really? You’re not even going to give it a shot?

As someone who struggled my entire life (I was pretty much on my own from the age of 10) and taught myself every single skill I currently possess, I just can’t understand not even trying…especially someone who is young, smart and talented, with a loving mother who will support him. Once more I have to ask, “Really?”

So this got me wondering….
….why so many people never get ahead.

I know the answer: Because they don’t try and are afraid to fail. I’ve been there, done that, worn the t-shirt.

I spent my entire life living someone else’s life, never pursuing my own dreams. I did every job in the book (and did them pretty darn well), but never truly pursued the one thing that made me happy: Writing.

Why? The same reason why others don’t. I was afraid to fail at it, so I didn’t even try. In my heart I was always a writer, and wanted to be since I was a little girl. I wrote for the school paper in college, dabbled in business writing throughout my various careers. I never wrote actively, though, until the same life-changing experience that helped me lose over 80 pounds happened: The death of my father.

Suddenly, I was free from fear of failure.

I decided to go for every job opportunity that came my way, and did so with gusto. Sometimes I failed, sure, but I just tried harder the next time. I conquered obstacle after obstacle, falling on my face a few times along the way.

But do you know what? I survived all those falls on my face – and kept on going, asking myself “what’s the worst that can happen?”

What I discovered is that not doing anything is far worse than pursuing something and failing at it. Not pursuing your dreams at all kills you from the inside.

So when my son wanted to give up before he even began,  it lit me up like fireworks on the 4th of July. I wanted to pull over and shake some sense into him, but all I did was say, sarcastically, “You are more than a medium-good writer. But you’re right. It’s hard. So how come a high school dropout like me with no photography training ended up in a photo pit shooting photos of KISS, 30 Seconds to Mars, and Linkin Park? Because it’s too hard? Sniff.”

And then I made a snorting noise (inside).

Have you overcome a fear of failure? And if so, what made you change?

Onward.

(P.S. This post was written with the full permission of my son. Love ya’, son.)

Photo: ©Flickr: dualities